It has been a chore..

Really tiring energy-sapping..

Feels like i'm carrying the world alone..

Please let it end soon.

Please.

Valentines day has come and gone. Just like every other year. I do think that it's very commercialized nowadays. You can find shops selling flowers at every other corner. Shops displaying couple shirts and accessories trying to attract buyers with supposed bargains. All around, you can see vendors trying to squeeze maximum profit from this occasion. 

Guys can be seen giving flowers and chocolates to their loved ones. Showering them with gifts of all sorts and bringing them to fancy restaurants as a means of expressing their love. Personally, I feel that despite their admirable attempts to impress their partner, they lack sincerity in them. You could get a few dozen flowers for a stack of cash. But, you can never buy a rose which has been fed and nurtured with your love and care for a few weeks. You can bring them to dine in high class restaurants but that can never measure up to the effort put in by a guy who takes the trouble to learn a new recipe to bake a cupcake for his other half. Besides, you do not need an occasion to make your loved one feel special. Make everyday a v-day =)

On another note, I encountered one of the more memorable weddings I have came across during v-day. A wedding on ice. Not as spectacular or as fairy taled as I would have expected but nonetheless amazing. A real eye-opener =). A stage was set up on the ice with a live band playing. Spectacular performances captured the audience's attention while on-lookers peered from every corner. A truly wonderful wedding. 

I guess that is all from this year's valentines. 

Till the next one...

Have you ever felt really exposed? Stripped bare of all your defences. All curtains being torn down..and you are left all vulnerable and alone right in the centre...you are the topic of conversation and the study of all. The cloak which has been concealing you has been taken away for good and everyone is able to see through you. To allow known and unknown people access to your thoughts...your feelings...your heartaches and joys. To be read like a book and having to answer to their expectations of you. 

It's a scary and frightening feeling. Something which is totally new to me. Having to share your daily life and the affairs of the heart is a step which i am not prepared to take...at least not to all. Perhaps I have been too comfortable with the mask that I have been wearing in public. Absolving me from all hurts of this world and diminishing the enormity of predicaments that comes my way. The mask, protecting layers of undiscovered me. I know it is not possible to run along life with this facade. But... just a little longer....?

Walking down the halls of my past, looking at every moment of my life encaptured in framed paintings, I can’t help but wonder the vast possiblities if i had taken a different routes during my 21 years. The different doors opened and closed to me at every juncture of my life, so significant in shaping where I am at today.

In the corner, a kindergarten child’s drawing spoke volumes. The simplest yet the most meaningful. Each stroke, drawn with conviction and real passion. A passion that resonates deep within the words written and unwritten. Carefully chosen for different circumstances where decisions and feelings are involved. It is their words , their love, their wisdom that I am eternally grateful for.

Strolling past a canvassed memory of my high school graduation, the depiction, so vivid. A true introduction to life of adulthood. A true prologue to what is to be of me in years to come. I thank you my friends for the joys and pains of those days for they have truly sculptured and refined me. You guys have exposed my darkest trait and brought to light and prominence my hidden personality. And for that, I am forever indebted to you.

Walking along, I saw an abstract piece hung precariously at one end of the hall. A piece illustrating a thousand black ribbons with a hand grasping a crimson one, prominent as red blood on white linen. The ribbons end up at places beyond the borders of the frame. Places where only we can imagine and wonder. As I stared intensely at it, doubt crept into my mind. Did I seize the correct ribbon amonst the many? Have I took a step in which I can never retrace? Doubts and uncertainties govern me at this very moment. Concrete and hard to dispel.

What is to come after this? To be given a blank canvass and asked to portray your future is a frightening prospect. To take that one step that will completely alter the course of your life demands courage and strength. Qualities that are not easily acquired. But despite it all, one thing is certain. I hope to one day able to hang my final masterpiece in the grandest of grandest halls. A portrait of myself with the signature of God, the greatest artist.

Wondering why i started this....

1. To keep in touch with people.

2. A means of expressing myself.

3. To keep a diary of my life.

Sorry for the countless times I have hurt you. 

The many times I have made your heart ache. 

The times I have brought you shame. 

Please forgive me. 

Sorry

As for my first ever post, it is only fitting that i give tribute to the person who helped me immensely in setting up this blog. For helping clueless me and saving me countless sleepless nights...

Thank You Caryn !!=)